Pet loss and pet grief counselling

...As seen on TV
on TVNZ's "Good Morning"

Kathy Landsman
GRIEF SUPPORT

Anyone who considers their animal a beloved friend, companion or family member
knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss of their time with us.

For more information about coping with grief (including anticipated grief) refer “Grief
Support – The Animal Human Bond” by Kathy Landsman

Frequently Asked Questions:

What is grief?

Grief is a normal and natural process. It helps us come to terms with and adjust our lives
after a significant loss.

What is the grief process?

Is what we go through in order to express our deeply felt emotions. Those emotions

could include:	Denial and shock
	Disbelief
	Anger
	Guilt
	Depression
	Acceptance and Recovery (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross)

Do we all grieve the same?

Everybody experiences grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to work through
the process of grief. The way we express grief is as individual as we are – no two people
feel the same way and that is as it should be.

However, there may be other factors that contribute to our feelings. Other stresses like
recent illness, death, divorce, job problems. You may have little emotional support, you
may have had no previous experience with loss or death. There may be other connections
with your pet like social outlets, past life events,

Who can we turn to?

Your veterinarian and veterinary staff.
Your Church
Friends and family particularly those who know and appreciate the bond you shared
A counsellor who specializes in the area of loss and grief

What can we do to cope?

Working through the process of grief is just that – work. It is emotionally exhausting.
As it can affect your emotions, thoughts and behaviour as well as physically, it is
important that you look after yourself during this time of change.

            Give yourself permission to grieve
            Find ways to let out your feelings
            Accept and express all the emotions that come with grief (crying screaming,
            pounding the floor – whatever helps)
            Allow yourself to be comforted
            Share your feelings with like-minded people
            Don’t let anyone tell you what you ‘should’ feel
            Make sure you eat regular meals – even if you feel you have no appetite
            Sleep at least 5 – 8 hours each night
            Try to get regular daily exercise – it will help

How can we support our children?

           Be honest about what happened (as appropriate to their age)
          Get some appropriate books from the library
          Give clear, open answers to their questions (not ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘taken by God’ which
          may end up frightening or confusing them
          Share your feelings
          Demonstrate safe, comfortable ways for them to express their grief
          Look at photos, tell stories and bring up memories

How can we help others?

Be available to listen unconditionally
Acknowledge the reality of the loss to the bereaved (whatever your own feelings about it)
Express your grief about the loss if appropriate; (help the mourner feel less self conscious
with showing his/her emotions)
Don’t use platitudes like “it was only a …..” the animal may have held a very important
position in the person’s life
Suggest you pick up shopping/run errands at the same time as doing your own rather than
wait for the bereaved to call you
Don’t say “I know just how you feel”; everyone’s feelings are individual to them
Read about the emotions that may be part of loss and grief and accept those that are
expressed
Be aware that there may be difficult times like evenings, weekends or anniversaries